11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
