pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
