i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
