He kissed a someone with a penis
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
