dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
