'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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