I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
