Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I smell like Dick and happiness
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
