Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
