you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
