Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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