shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
