i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I smell stomach acid.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize