I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize