I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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