Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
