bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
