I wanna bring you to show and tell
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
