If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
