Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
