if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
