i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
