i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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