Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
