absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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