I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
