i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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