Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
