My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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