after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
