Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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