She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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