i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
