Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
