Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
