I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
