My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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