I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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