There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
