I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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