She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
