Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
