My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think i got beer on your cat.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
