I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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