I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
