you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
