can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
