i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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