I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
