I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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