I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
