Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
