Im at strip club and am horny
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize