We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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