I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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