Im at strip club and am horny
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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