Pappa wants mamma naked
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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