Got a toothbrush?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
