dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
