mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I want is dick and wine.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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