is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
